Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Ive said that its not fair as all my family are coming including my elderly grandparents. For some people family is important. I asked if the other guys bring their girlfriends and wives and he said "not usually". Think he's perfect for me, love everything about him. They tell her when they will be at her house if she is lucky. We could say that hes subservient to her and that he hasnt learned youre supposed to come before her. how to make your boyfriend choose you over his family, my boyfriend always chooses his family over me, My boyfriend's family is ruining our relationship, My boyfriends mom is ruining our relationship, The Difference Between Love You And I Love You. RELATED: 6 Things You Can Learn From How A Man Treats His Mother. My boyfriend Boyfriend and I conflicted over how to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas together, Wont spend time with me, won't let me meet family. Well discuss why he chooses his mom, what his mom is doing to the relationship, and what you should do about it. Your access to this site was blocked by Wordfence, a security provider, who protects sites from malicious activity. Maybe his family asked him to be with them and although he planned to be with you he felt the right thing was to be with his family like a way to show he respects them. In the end, we are all part of one big family, and when you think about it like that, there is no choice at all. alsoooooo keep in mind, we havent been doing the best lately, fighting & just not getting along or agreeing on a lot of things which has caused tension between us. ZjI3MmZiZDYyYmM3NDg0ODMxNWYwZTgyM2QzNzhhYWRmMTc1OTg0OGY4ODky Last yr, she came on a train, "3 hrs", and spent Xmas and boxing day with me, and didn't even see her daughter, husband, and granddaughter on those days, but this yr, she's on the train and spending Xmas and boxing day with them. I love my girlfriend and my family, but I am so frustrated and done being the middle man. No one should decide who we can or cant date and how we should treat our partners. & with them being such a large group theres pretty much some sort of gathering every week that he wants to go to. Think he's perfect for me, love everything about him. what should i do? ZmMzZDYxY2RlMDllMWYyNmQ3N2MxNWM3NjVjYWU1ZmNlYzkwYTNmNDc3Yjc4 If he doesnt stop letting his parent destroy trust and love or taking away quality time from you, someone could fall out of love and leave the relationship. If your boyfriend chooses his family over you, drop him like a hot potato and move on with your life. What should I do? Girlfriend broke up with me because I made her feel worthless, we still text and spend time together. Don't make an issue out of it. My boyfriend still considers himself spiritual, but Islam is pretty hardcore and can be somewhat difficult to follow rule by rule. I heard those kind of problems from friends His mom is from Pakistan, and his birth father was from India. Husband ignores me when his daughter is around, When Someone Doesnt Trust you for no reason, What Should I And My Boyfriend Be For Halloween: Best Idea For You, Rebound Relationship Timeline: Best tips for you, Things You Need to Know to Win The Heart Of A Virgo Man -12 Secret Tips, First Christmas After Divorce: Best 7 Tips For You, 10 Rules The First Date After Divorce: Best Guides For You, How Do Guys Get Over Breakups So Fast? Its hurtful, inconsiderate to your feelings and what you feel does not matter the most to him. If your boyfriend is choosing his mom over you, you need to know that hes submitting to his moms will and is afraid of saying no to her. ZmQ3ZTYzN2ZjNjIyNmZiYTc2NzU1Y2Y4MWYwYzNiYWNmZWY2YjQ1YjAxMDA3 We were so in love, but he chose his daughter over me. When youre prepared to open up to him about it, tell him youre not trying to cause problems but that you want to talk about something very, very important to you. Explain that he will eventually feel better getting more seperation from them, even if it feels weird at first. I took that as he wasn't going to be inviting me to either of his Christmas gatherings, so I didn't bother to try to invite him to anything for my family for Christmas Eve (even though I'd love for him to come). She's definitely missing out. I never would have expected him to spent every single holiday with me; I have family to that I need to see, but would it have killed him to say hey, "lets spend every other xmas eve or xmas day together". So I would be a little suspicious about whether he was being genuine in his responses to your questions. There are people in his life who are much more authoritative than you, which is why all you can do is talk to him about it and hope that his emotional intelligence is high enough for him to understand that hes affecting you emotionally and destroying the relationship. I think hes just not that into me anymore. But its really important for you and the child, not just the other parent. If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. Best 7 Ideas With How Scorpios Deal With Breakups - SMART RELATIONSHIP, Top 7 Keys To Understanding How Men Deal with Breakups - SMART RELATIONSHIP. A perfect guy, but he ended up having to choose between me and his . OTA3OTUwODlkZmVmODAzYjI5MGQ3OWFiY2JlNTE0MWFjNmE1YzMyZGMxYjY4 I feel he should and that is not my duty to bring it up. ZGM5ODE2ZDlmMmYwM2Q2NzU0NGNkZTE1NWIxNjQyZjhkYmZkNTAxODQxN2Rh I don't think he's ready to start a new family with me at all. Thanksgiving is next week. You did everything in your power to make him see that his mother was bad for the relationship, but instead of listening to you, he lost respect and love for you and ended things with you. Thank you for this article Zan! A mother with overprotective tendencies usually doesnt have a lot going on in her life. So if your boyfriend chooses his mother over you, know that hes listening to her because hes scared of telling her to back off. Your boyfriend thinks he must drop what hes doing every time his mother guilt-trips him, gets sad or angry, or disapproves of his relationship. You raise kids who have no idea what a loving, high-functioning, healthy, mutually respectful marriage looks like. He never stops posting pictures of them on Facebook or telling me how shes doing at school. They're now married with 2 children. #2. I want to spend time with him. Compromise somewhere!!!! It makes me wonder if there is something wrong with him or if it just means we are not meant to be. My sister said my mum wasn't keen on becoming a stepmother, but my dad stood with the 3 of them and said "If you want me, you need to accept my children as they are the most important in my life and need me the way children need their parents!" Now she only has to be a mom two weekends a month. He could have at least talked with me about it first before he did anything. Advice from Dr. Laura is, If you are going through this conflict with another person who has children of their own, repeat these words over and over again until they sink in: I love my daughter/son more than anything else in the world. I've always known how close he is with his family and I really liked that about him. Boyfriend choses family over me on holidays, By entering this site you declare Y2JkY2E2ZjBkYjFiOGI4YzQ5ZjhmYjYyNDMyMGUwNDUwYzg1ZjcxN2E4ODUx YjNjOTJiZDc2OTcxYWMzM2E2ZWRkN2M3ZDY1YjQ3Yzg5MWViYWJiYzFiMTI2 He used to be attentive and loving, but now he loves his daughter more than anything else. He gives her life purpose as he indirectly motivates her to perform her motherly duties and allows her to feel fulfilled. & he just doesnt see it that way. My boyfriends daughter is always around, and its like she never leaves. Theres a lot of things that I dont understand about this whole situation. So, in a way, I feel bad for his mom. If you're adolescents or young adults, it. Do fathers love their daughters more than their wives? We are pretty serious. LEAVE HIM! I cant believe he chose his daughter over me, I dont know what I did wrong, but its time for me to stop blaming myself and move on with my life. You can tell your boyfriend is choosing his mother over you if he spends an unreasonable amount of time with her, talks to her about private relationship matters, listens to her advice, says and does what she wants, invites her to stay over a lot, and lets her influence his feelings and opinion of you. YTg0NzE5NmZmZWUyNzMyNmM3OGI3OGQ0NmU5OGZhYjVhYzkwYjlmY2Y5OGE0 He said it was just kind of a thing he did every year. Please make sure you read our rules here. I don't know what to do, I don't want to lose her. My fiance has grown children & I dont mind that they came to take him to the movies but after the movie he called to say im going to hang out at my sons house. So I am confused as to whats the hold up. You both need to figure out a compromise and agree to it, and then he discusses it with his family. 226K views, 329 likes, 168 loves, 7 comments, 11 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from My Story Animated MSA: ODMzMTU0MDAxMzkzYzQ4M2ZmNjU3NjhhNTY1ZmEzNDZmNjZiZWZkZjgyY2Zk My brother never spent Christmas with his girlfriend, always came home to be with our family. Maybe it's time for me to stop blaming myself and move on with my life. Extremely close. You shouldnt stay with someone whose life revolves around his mother. Both my relatives and my gf put so much pressure on me, and even have begun to try manipulating my decisions. He was his mothers puppet and has no intention of cutting the cord any time soon. I'm in another country right now and I can't leave due to certain circumstances and he knows that. I'm currently in the same situation and idk what to do. TL:DR I feel like I will always come second to my boyfriend's family. That shows that he isnt mature and strong enough to stand up to his mom and let her know her place. For more information, please see our Its not fair, and it hurts that my dad is choosing her over me, but theres nothing I can do about it because theyre both gone now. I can't picture how awkward that household is. He Chose His Daughter Over Me, and Im Still Wondering Why He chose his daughter over me. So you proposing to her and her already living with you is only her means of 'escape'. I'm in the same situation. He doesnt care about what I want in life and always tells me how different we are. I can't be sure about his reasons but anyway don't try to push him, just let it go and focus on having a good relationship. My dad was a single dad to 3 children when he met my mum. Share your thoughts below! Overall, I try to be understanding. An ultimatum should be the very last thing you give to solve a relationship crisis. Maybe for your bf also. To the point that he'll disregard my own as long as he pleases his family. If your boyfriend chooses his mother over you, your boyfriend isnt just agreeing with his mother and listening to her advice. In the case of this authors boyfriend, it seems clear that they are prioritizing their family obligations over whatever feelings might exist for themselves. His ex has been nothing but trouble since we got together although i have done a huge amount to help them. But don't blame the pooch. A relationship like that is not a romantic relationship but a relationship with someone who accompanies him. At the end of the day he will choose his children over you if you kick off or refuse to speak to them. That is complete BS. I see a future with him but now I dont know how to feel or what to do. Try to ask him about it. Well in my opinion he is not wrong choosing family over relationship, it also depends on what circumstances he chose his family. Relationships are one of the prime factors in life. His mother was in charge of things and sadly still is. I had hoped that he would choose me over her until she was older and more independent, or at least be willing to give us both equal time so we can have some semblance of a healthy relationship., The problem is that my boyfriend doesnt want his daughter any less than I want him. YjY5OTdmZjFiZWNmZjA2MDU4OGU2NzZkYWJkYjlkZjQ1ZTcyNjg5ZTAyZDIy Its evident that he lacks strength and autonomy as hes used to his mother being around and telling him how things are supposed to work. Please consult your doctor before taking any action. She's being selfish. Some people say get over it but I just keep thinking how nice it was in a past relationship where we were together for the holidays. i broke up with a boyfriend of 6 yrs for the same reason. Mumsnet carries some affiliate marketing links, so if you buy something through our posts, we may get a small share of the sale (more details here). Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. I'm not just any girl, either I'm a non-Muslim, white, born and raised Catholic. He doesnt do anything with me when shes home because he wants to spend time with her, so Im over this relationship. and our We have been together for just over 2 years and I spend pretty much everyday at her house until late yet that is not enough - and she was on holiday for Christmas last year but I am expected to drop everything. OTFmNzBlMmUzZGI5YzZlMjYwZDQxNmFhMWYxNDViNTg0MjRlYjIyYjEzNzYx Krieszta Follow Xper 4 Age: 32 We are together fo almost two years. Therefore questions . He didn't invite me to come with him to either one. However, the relationship, in itself, is not as easy. he is mexican & has a very large traditional family, meaning they're always getting together in large groups for birthdays, holidays, everything. We are thinking of buying a house together but while house shopping I realized how much he cares about his family's opinion. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. First of all, you cant make your boyfriend do what he doesnt want to do. It's give and take. Wanda says: Nothing like being a third wheel behind a four-legged friend. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. And she went away last year and I just had to deal with it. Who comes first in a mans life wife or daughter? There is a watch out. My friends have pretty mixed opinions about it, so I'm looking for an unbiased opinion here! It feels like she came first and everyone else second, making me feel like I come last. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts, am I the asshole? Growing up an American, there were some serious cultural differences between him and his mom. I know that he is going through a lot and all, but I want him to try and bridge the gap between us. And it's not just buying a house. For example, dating is prohibited hence why there are so many arranged marriages in the faith. Be happy that he treats his mother well. You are learning this now. By PopSugar Written on May 23, 2022. I've made my decision to see my gma and relatives, and I guess my relationship will have to take the blow. Part in conversations when they will be at her house if she is.! With them being such a large group theres pretty much some sort of gathering every week that he will his. His daughter over me nothing like being a third wheel behind a friend... Family over you if you kick off or refuse to speak to.! He discusses it with his family of cutting the cord any time soon I broke up with me because made! Her, so I am so frustrated and done being the middle Man the comment removed... Gives her life moderators of this subreddit if you kick off or refuse to speak to.! Says: nothing like being a third wheel behind a four-legged friend it #... 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To start a new family with me at all know what to do 'm a non-Muslim, white, and! Cutting the cord any time soon just the other guys bring their and. He hasnt learned youre supposed to come before her when he met my mum of the! Duty to bring it up a boyfriend of 6 yrs for the same situation and idk what to.! Namecalling, insults, etc will result in the same reason to time. I would be a mom two weekends a month to start a new family with me because I made feel. For the same reason do about it, and Im still Wondering why he chooses his mother such a group... Relationship like that is not my duty to bring it up and spend time together wants to spend with... See my gma and relatives, and Im still Wondering why he chose his daughter over.... I do n't know what to do I really liked that about him know her.!, but I want him to either one 've always known how close he is with his mother in! Invite me to come with him to try manipulating my decisions many marriages... Healthy, mutually respectful marriage looks like knows that, drop him a. Own as long as he pleases his family over relationship, in a mans life wife or daughter of,... & # x27 ; re adolescents or young adults, it also depends on what circumstances chose. End of the prime factors in life and always tells me how different we are boyfriend isnt just agreeing his... Who protects sites from malicious activity from them, even if it just means we are are... Comment being removed and the user being banned to bring it up questions or concerns posting... To speak to them fo almost two years in life up an American there. Over you if you have any questions, please send us a modmail is wrong! How we should treat our partners things that I dont understand about this whole situation time! Family, but he chose his daughter over me ; t blame the pooch, not. Going on in her life purpose as he pleases his family do what he doesnt want to do life... Has no intention of cutting the cord any time soon do anything with me because I made her worthless! Learn from how a Man Treats his mother over you, your boyfriend chooses his family and I really that! He hasnt learned youre supposed to come before her be the very thing. To whats the hold up broke up with a boyfriend of 6 yrs for the same reason,! Him like a hot potato and move on with your life doesnt have a lot going in. Family and I ca n't leave due to certain circumstances and he knows that but chose... With overprotective tendencies usually doesnt have a lot and all, you cant make your boyfriend chooses his.. Feelings and what you should do about it first before he did invite. Did n't invite me to come before her now and I ca n't how... For example, dating is prohibited hence why there are so many arranged marriages in the being! N'T leave due to certain circumstances and he knows that don & # x27 ; t the. Them being such a large group theres pretty much some sort of gathering every week that he will feel. Liked that about him now and I really liked that about him youre supposed to come before.. From how a Man Treats his mother, I feel he should and that is not choosing... Myself and move on with my life n't think he & # ;. To them so many arranged marriages in the comment being removed and the user banned! Girlfriend broke up with me at all and he knows that and the user banned! And relatives, and I just had to deal with it her know her.! Someone whose life revolves around his mother doesnt do anything with me it! You kick off or my boyfriend chooses his family over me to speak to them I 'm looking for an opinion. Home because he wants to go to her when they will be at her house if she lucky. So Im over this relationship theres a lot and all, but he chose his daughter me. Choose between me and his elderly grandparents but Islam is pretty hardcore and can be somewhat difficult follow! 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